Define Love
by honmyo SeaGull
Summary: Summary : Love is disturbance, sacrifice, devotion, action, sun, suicide, instinct, need, pain and so much other things… Short POVs at various times of the manga, Yaoi hinted.
1. Hôtô

Summary : Love is disturbance, sacrifice, devotion, action, sun, suicide, instinct, need, pain and so much other things… Short POVs at various time of the manga, Yaoi hinted.

Disclaimer : They're not mine, but I hope they do love each other…

**Part 1 : Hôtô.**

**oOo**

**« Love is disturbance. »**

**(Nî)**

It is the x in your calculations.

You don't want or need it, but you have to admit its existence made your life so much more interesting, since you discovered the improbability it creates.

You didn't expect Koumyou sanzo dieing so easily, you admit. He was your rival. But the stupid monk took a lethal blow in the stead of his apprentice.

You didn't expect your white knight to ever regain his senses, you admit. He was your puppet. But this supposedly empty shell took a blow in the stead of his swordsman.

It makes you laugh over your chessboard.

**« Love is sacrifice. »**

**(Kougaiji)**

Your heart isn't stone like your mother's one, but for some time, your mind had been as blank as hers.

Blackness and nothingness were slowly swallowing you, drowning you.

Let go, they said.

You could have welcomed them and rested.

Still, in the flesh, something was carved.

The ghost of _their_ hands on you.

Mother's and sister's and others'.

_Their_ names.

The moment Death whispered Dokukakuji's one, you couldn't hide anymore in the darkness.

So you came back.

Your foes looked surprised.

Yaone and Doku stared.

How come they can't understand?

Spill your blood for them is an honour.

You smile.

**« Love is devotion. »**

**(Dokugakuji)**

He is holy.

You seldom touch him, as if jufus were hanging about your prince to protect him. You attend him a little bit the same way he attends his mother of dead stone.

And you're afraid of admitting it.

But when you do... You suddenly feel the need to touch a part of him, any part : fiery hair, burning skin…

Good old courtiers say you're overfamiliar. Fools. _You_ fear not to be enough to keep him among the livings!

Question his choices, just to make sure.

But obey.

Close your eyes and wish you could suffer instead of him.


	2. Tenkai

Summary : Love is disturbance, sacrifice, devotion, action, sun, suicide, instinct, need, pain and so much other things… Short POVs at various time of the manga, Yaoi hinted.

Disclaimer : They're not mine, but I hope they do love each other…

**Part 2 : Tenkai.**

**oOo**

**« Love is action. »**

**(Konzen)**

For a long time, you had been beautiful, nothing more and nothing less.

As beautiful as Kanzeon _bosatsu's_ beloved lotuses.

Some day, somebody picked you up.

Look at me, look at me! said the childish shrill voice.

Your eyes opened.

Listen to me, listen to me! said the childish shrill voice.

Your started to hear.

A bodhisattva laughed, saying you were blossoming at last.

Follow me, follow me! said the childish shrill voice.

You started to walk.

Save me, save me! Will come the mute pray.

Your hand will move on its own. To fight and protect.

It's a wonder.

**« Love is being serious for once. »**

**(Kenren)**

He's back.

You stare.

« It was stupid to go and confront Litouten. »

Once your arm freed, your hand reaches for the bruises marring his face. It's the first time you touch his skin.

He accepts the contact for a few seconds, no more, and keeps on untieing the ropes.

Then, he remains standing behind you. One of his finger trace the red line of a whip gash on your back.

« It was stupid to jump on this beast's back, that time on Earth, as well. »

« I'd die for you. »

You hear his sigh :

« Stupid, just like me. »

**« Love is the shared memory of unimportant facts. »**

**(Tenpou)**

You remember. Kenren started the game. One memory for each cup of sake.

« Remember the day I met you? I first thought you were a corpse, all buried like that under these books… Your turn. »

« Remember that day Jiroushin surprised you while you were fishing in Kanzeon's pond? He almost fainted. »

« Remember the taste of the peaches Goku brought us back from the holy orchard? »

« Remember this BBQ with the guys of the regiment? Never should have let you serve so much sake. »

« Remember the first time my hand touched your skin? »

« Yes, I do, _taishou_, I do. »

**« Love is sun. »**

**(Goku)**

You follow him as if you were his satellite.

Sometimes, Konzen looks at you, and, all too soon, averts his eyes.

It makes you sad.

Is it because of your _itan's_ eyes?

Sometimes, Konzen looks at the sun, and, all too soon, averts his eyes.

You ponder.

You look at the sun.

Your eyes are burning. So you close them, but the sun is still here, like a red butterfly under your eyelids.

Like the echo that would ring long after a gunshot in the still air.

Sun will always be here.

Maybe you dance on Konzen's eyelids.

You wish.

**« Love is suicide. »**

**(Goujun)**

You look at their departing backs. Dispassionately.

They are disappearing from your life, just like that.

It's _them_ against the whole Paradise, from now on. And even so, they are unable let go of each other.

It's so obvious they won't win. This thin thread they weave between them, don't they see it is of a bloody red color? It strangles them and they still pretend it's ultimate freedom.

How pitiful.

But it's not devoid of _grandeur_, as well.

And, all too soon, their death will disturb you. Eat you.

That's how you'll realize they caught you in their net.


	3. On The Road

Summary : Love is disturbance, sacrifice, devotion, action, sun, suicide, instinct, need, pain and so much other things… Short POVs at various time of the manga, Yaoi hinted.

Disclaimer : They're not mine, but I hope they do love each other…

**Part 3 : On The Road.**

**oOo**

**« Love is instinct. »**

**(Hakuryu)**

Meeting him at last, you had had the feeling you had been waiting for so long before you found him… Five hundred years, maybe.

After, it had been easy.

Be in the nearness of him. Always. Help if you can, even if it means taking the most humiliating of appearences (this jeep-form is ugly). Hate rain because he does. Fight for food with the golden-eyed child, like the stupid _kappa,_ because it makes him smile. Crave for the touch of his skin on your scales.

You feel it's right.

You don't question this feeling. It is older than you are.

**« Love is the mirror that makes you real. »**

**(Hakkai)**

**H**e got used to the new name a lot more easily than you did.

**A**s he called for you, that night, though, you remained oblivious and

**K**ept staring at the storm outside. Lost to him.

**K**neading your shoulder,

**A** soothing hand.

**I**t crawled under you shirt until it settled on the torn skin of your belly.

**I**n the end, you could only

**S**urrender to this awkward embrace and

**B**ury your head in his neck not to hear the sound

**O**f the rain that whispered your former name. You were

**R**esting in peace.

**N**ow you were really his, it meant.

**« Love is need. »**

**(Gojyo)**

Sometimes, you realize how selfish you are. You are ashamed of yourself.

If you still call his name each time you come home, it's because you're afraid he might have left the time you've been gone.

If you scold him each time he tries to protect you, it's because if one day he pushes it too far it would have been no point in saving you, then.

If you so often hold him tight, anytime it rains, it's not only to give him comfort. It's because you're afraid he might forget your existence.

You can't imagine an empty home anymore.

**« Love is sun. »**

**(Goku)**

Sanzo is gone.

It seems impossible. As if Hakkai had told you somebody snatched the sun from the sky.

Since Sanzo is not in Jeepu, through the windshield you can see the sun instead of his nape, westward. Your eyes are burning.

So you close them, but the sun is still here, like a red butterfly under your eyelids.

Like the echo that would ring long after a gunshot in the still air.

Even when you can't see, sun _is_. That's comforting.

You hope Sanzo is okay.

He has to be. Because once you find him… once you find him…

**« Love is pain. »**

**(Sanzo)**

You're unable to take it. It would be rape.

You're unable to accept it. It would be a weakness.

You're unable to give it. Why would you?

You're unable to save it. People die, always.

Thinking of it hurts.

It's raining: your master is slaughtered again under your very eyes.

Hearing it hurts.

In certain inns, Hakkai and Gojyo forget the walls are as thin as paper.

Touching it hurts.

Goku smiles in his sleep. Your hand flees from his face.

So, in the bright day, you say : hold for nothing.

And they, poor souls, they dare believe you.


	4. Renegades

**Disclaimer : **charas are not mine. Stop. Wouldn't dare dreaming what's in their hearts. Stop. I just guess. Stop.

**Random author's notes : **since some episode in the anime, I'm sure Zenon's wife looked a lot like Shien. Or the other way round. Whatever. RA's next chapter is done. Will be loaded once I have some corrections back. Luv U all.

**Shien**

**« Love is Abandon »**

You were bound by honour and integrity.

Nataku needed more.

He is now silence, cold skin, empty eyes like a void staring into space. Deadlike.

Kneeling in repentance in front of his throne, you mourned.

People need more, want more than your honour or integrity.

Zenon's hands on your skin, through your hair.

Need obvious in his eye.

_I thought you'd kill me for doing this_, he wonders.

Warm skin, raw voice, sparkling eye. Alive.

_But I didn't_, you answer flatly.

It doesn't matter if Zenon reaches for somebody else through you.

You let him.

You won't fail somebody again.

**Zenon**

**« Love is Memory »**

I had a wife, a kid, a home, a happiness sheltered down there, far from Tenkai's laws. But I still wanted Tenkai to acknowledge me.

So, I'm left with the mere memory of wife, child, home, all dispappeared while I was far.

I had a companion so close to me that he allowed me to touch him. I chased ash-colored dreams of my late family while my fingers ran absently through his hair.

So, I'm left with a mere memory of his touch on a broken weapon's hard handle.

You realize what is important when it's gone, they say.

**Homura**

**« Love is Utopy »**

There was a name.

You couldn't stop calling it. Like a prayer. Quite fitting for a godess's name, even if she was sent in exile.

There was a quest.

Fruitless. Misled with mad desire for a miracle. You mercilessly involved others in your delirium.

There were sacrifices.

Shien, then Zenon vanished from your perceptions.

They left a huge hole in your soul. Was it worth the loss?

There is a truth.

You're wiser now.

You should have guessed sooner.

It is that simple : gods don't do « love ». Gods that love die, indeed.

_How ironic_, you think as you lay dying.


End file.
